tags → #friends 

kaalashnikov:

callmeoutis:

kaalashnikov:

ryleighisme:

kaalashnikov:

maybe I stopped having periods because my body finally accepted that my gender is robot and robots dont have periods

Maybe you’re pregnant

I’m an aromantic asexual who has never had sex

maybe you’ve been chosen as the vessel of the antichrist

the most likely explanation

witneyhouston:

me: hi, can i have a large—

starbucks employee: you mean a venti?

me: can we not do this 

Do Better | Say Anything

whoredinarygirl:

when my mom was pregnant with me my sister decided she didn’t want another sibling so one day she took my brother’s toy cars and lined them by my mom’s room’s doorway and tried making my mom fall on her stomach
my sister tried killing me in the womb